Deadly Umbrella

I read about these sorts of situations from Schneier all the time, where bouts of paranoia and the lack of common sense run rampant around security issues. One of his latest articles that springs to mind is his commentary on the risk of mobile phones on airplanes, where a remote chance of useful technology being used for bad purposes has to be strictly controlled, often employing outrageous techniques.

I’d also presume that in my line of work these sorts of issues would pop up daily but in fact they don’t. Not to say that it doesn’t occur, just not all the time, or as frequently as I would guess - but at the same time I’m not sure that I can compare the environments.

It was with much dismay that one of these experiences happened to me first hand (or second hand as Sara was the poor dear who had to put up with airport security incompetence). And today we’re talking about Umbrellas. Yep - those deadly weapons used by ninja-like assassins all over the earth to dis-embowel and de-head people.

All we were doing was seeing off my eldest sibling (plus hubby + soon-to-be-born baby) from the domestic airport and the next thing I know Sara’s Umbrella is being denied entrance into the departure lounge. On top of this they did not offer a single suggestion for what she should do with the item, including offerering to hold it for her. In fact, they advised her that it was her problem and they didn’t really care what she did with the Umbrella, as long as it didn’t enter the departure lounge. In short, they hinted that she should go put it back in her car - but naturally the reason for having the Umbrella in the first place was because of all the god-damned rain. So what was she meant to do? Run out through the rain, place her Umbrella in the car and run back through the downpour? Hell no - instead she did something that I’m sure in itself may have been a security breach, and that was to hide the Umbrella under a display table.

As far as my brief research could tell - there is only a single mention of Umbrellas in regards to aviation security. Furthermore they advise that Umbrellas are “allowed in carry-on baggage once they have been inspected to ensure that prohibited items are not concealed“. When looking for mentions of when these weapons of mass destruction should be allowed on local flights I found Nothing. That’s right Absolutely Nothing. So what were these security officers thinking?

Probably not much of anything - or if anything at all it was probably more along the lines of - “inspect this umbrella? can’t be bothered.” So did they make the environment safer? I would say no. Especially as the item in question was hidden under a table for some other would-be murderer-slash-psychopath to pick up and cause some serious damage with.

So what to do next time? Ponchos. Ponchos people ponchos.

Posted by Christian 19 June 2005

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